Assertive communication – understanding it and how to use it well

Have you ever faced any of these scenarios:

  • People not following your instruction.
  • Disagreements with yourself or between staff members.
  • Your team not giving their best even though you know they have more to give.
  • Has someone asked you to do something you don’t want to do, or feels like it isn’t part of your job role.
  • Maybe you feel like your line manager isn’t listening to your needs. 

There are so many more situations that you may find yourself in both at work and at home where being more assertive would help and allow you and colleagues to get your message/thoughts across constructively and not distructively.  Here are some helpful hints and tips and our five steps to assertive communication:

Being assertive is the way to improve your communication with people.

Assertiveness helps you to be more positive and self-confident.

How? By being open and honest with yourself and others.

Never being rude or aggressive, never withdrawn or passive, but always saying exactly what you mean without allowing emotion to take over.

For instance:

How might you react if told you must stay on late at work?

Anger comes – then aggression and an outburst “NO I WILL NOT!”

OR Anger comes and you bottle it up inside and feel rotten.


The five steps to assertive communication.

Ask questions and:


  1. LISTEN – be sure you understand the other person’s point of view first
  2. SAY what you think – describe the situation as you see it; be factual and objective
  3. EXPLAIN how you feel about the situation by expressing your emotions in words
  4. MAKE IT CLEAR what you would like to happen next
  5. LISTEN to the response and either gain agreement or start on 1 again

As an ASSERTIVE person you will listen to what has been said, express your thoughts and feelings without emotion and then say what you would like to happen. The result will not always be exactly what you want. However you are much more likely yo gain a WIN for bnoth parties.

In doing this you will be far more fulfilled and will leave behind any negative emotions. You will look to resolve the issue instead of focusing on the problem or the person.

If you need further support, Keyurn are here to help.  Please contact us on or call us on 01788 815500.